Thursday, February 14, 2008

Aretha vs. Beyonce' or Better Yet, Aretha vs. Tina



In the latest battle of divas, Aretha took offense to Beyonce's introduction of Tina Turner during the Grammys last Sunday. As part of her opening number, Beyonce' name checked several ladies of song, including Sarah Vaughan, Chaka Khan, Donna Summer, Janet Jackson, Ella Fitzgerald, and Mahalia Jackson. Aretha was also one of the songstresses mentioned during this opening. When introducing Tina, Beyonce' said, "But there is one legend who has the essence of all of these things. The glamour, the soul, the passion, the strength, the talent. Ladies and gentlemen... stand on your feet and give it up for the Queen!"

After hearing Beyonce's intro, I wondered if there would be any backlash; although Tina Turner is sometimes referred to as "The Queen of Rock and Roll", this moniker isn't nearly as well known as Aretha Franklin's title "The Queen of Soul" (which is on occasion shortened to simply "The Queen"). Having said that, it's not like Beyonce' referred to Tina as "The Queen of Soul", so Aretha shouldn't be too upset. At any rate, Ms. Franklin wasn't having it because in an unprompted statement issued by her publicist, she said the following:

"I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé. However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy."

In this age of celebs playing it safe and not saying what's really on their mind, I think Aretha's remarks were refreshing. She felt she wasn't getting her R-E-S-P-E-C-T and she wasn't going to let it slide. While typing this, I came up with the ideal resolution. Tina and Aretha should square off in a no-holds barred, winner take all match for the right to be simply called "The Queen". Even though Aretha has a height advantage (by one inch) over Tina, I am concerned about her stamina because she has put on some weight since she gave up the "cancer sticks" several years ago. If Aretha is to emerge triumphantly in this hypothetical showdown, she'll probably have to take out Tina early in the match. On the other hand, if Aretha does land a haymaker, can Tina recover? Tina showed Sunday night that her dance moves haven't diminished so if she can bob and weave (no wig pun intended), she should be alright.

Because both ladies have a history of suffering physical violence at the hands of men, the proceeds from the match can be given to a women's abuse shelter. Don King can promote the bout, former boxing ref Judge Mills Lane can officiate, and Beyonce' could carry the cards letting us know what round it is; come on ladies, let's get ready to rumble!

Who would you put your money on in this proposed showdown?

16 comments:

Ray said...

Always bet on Aretha!

Lori said...

Come on now, Malcolm. You know good and well real divas don't rumble.(LOL) Betta recognize!

Wendy said...

I'll put twenty on Aretha in the third round. ;)

OneLuvGurl said...

Aretha had no right complaining about that. It's as bad as Elle McPherson or however you spell it was pissed because someone called Heidi Klum "The Body" instead of her.

I'd put my money on Tina, though. She put up with a lot of sh*t from Ike.

Malcolm said...

Ray: Man... because of the reasons I cited, I am up in the air on this one. I would have to toss a coin.

Lori: Normally they don't. However, when a diva's title is threatened all decorum goes out the window, lol. The gloves/heels come off and it is on!

Wendy: If it goes beyond 5 rounds, I don't think Aretha will have enough gas in the tank.

OneLuvGurl: Finally, a vote for Tina. I was thinking the same thing about Tina in regards to the abuse she took from Ike. But then I started to question whether or not she could still take it because after all, she was through with Ike over 30 years ago.

I hadn't heard the Elle and Heidi story. They need to settle it in the ring. Can't you tell that I am down with girl fights? Esp. when hot women are involved.

gurl with glasses said...

oh, i am envisioning something more like Thunderdome...we could call it DivaDome or something catchy like that.
Hire camera crews to show them at their worst angles...make sure it's really dirty in there. Hmmm, you've got something here, Malcolm.

I have no idea who would win this one, i'm imagining Aretha snatching Tina bald, and then getting winded. So, it's any Diva's game.

~dawn

pjazzypar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pjazzypar said...

Beyonce has messed up. When Aretha gets angry at you for whatever reason she stays that way. Both Aretha and Tina are legendary singers in their own right, but from totally different genres. Aretha is the undisputed "Queen". Just ask Marianne Faithfull, who called Aretha Franklin's singing "the voice of God". I have a feeling that we have not heard the end of this. For the record Aretha was voted # 1 on VH1 "100 Women Who Rock". Tina was in the top 10.

They both have too much class to go "toe to toe". I really don't believe that Tina will even respond. The NAACP Awards should be interesting tonight with its tribute to "The Queen of Soul". I bet this topic comes up somehow during the show.

Chuck said...

Nice post. Sad how sometimes we open our mouths and want to say something nice and instead we hurt. If I ever got to know these pepl too much, I wouldn't want to watch them/hear them anymore!

Holly Smith said...

I was surprised to see that Aretha would take offense to Beyonce complementing Tina Turner...The Queen....The Body (like oneluvgurl said) it all seems kind of silly to me. No one is disputing that Aretha Franklin is a powerhouse legend. Come on ladies...

BTW: I'd pick Tina to win in the showdown...

www.mamapj.com

k said...

i think beyonce was just ad-libbing and she didn't mean any offense calling tina turner "the queen." aretha had a right to get upset, but it's not like "the queen of soul" is her official name. it's not on her birth certificate!

X. Dell said...

This is what I think of the whole thing:






































That about sums it up.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Aretha wins hands down. Tina's good, but not that good.

Malcolm said...

Dawn: I like the way you think, sick and twisted like me. Your Thunderdome reference has me playing "We Don't Need Another Hero" in my head. Seeing Aretha snatch Tina bald would be worth the price of admission.

Pjazzy: If she hasn't yet, Aretha needs to get over it. It's not like Beyonce' said "Queen of Soul", "Queen of R&B" or something like that. When I mentioned a few weeks ago on my show that Tina was #2 on VH-1's list of women who rock, curiosity got the best of me and I found the official list to see who was #1. If Aretha wasn't #1, I would have cried foul.

I read a story about the NAACP Image awards and it said that D.L. Hughley made a reference to the "Queen" controversy. Damn it, I had forgotten that it was on until it was too late. In a side note, I also saw that "Tyler Perry's House of Payne" won Best Comedy Series at the NAACP Image Awards. How in the hell?! Tyler must have something damaging on the voters because I don't see how his show beat any of the other nominees.

Chuck: It's funny you should mention that. Just this morning, the co-worker I carpool with was saying how she wouldn't want to meet any celebs that she admires because it would probably be a letdown. For the most part, I feel the same way.

Holly: I read the other day where Beyonce's father called Aretha's comments "ridiculous". You won't get an argument from me. As for the showdown, Tina's strategy to take down Aretha wouldn't be nice and easy because Tina never does anything nice and easy.

K: You could be right, Beyonce' may have gotten caught up in the moment and went "off script". After this perceived diss, Aretha might add the title to her birth certificate, lol.

X. Dell: In your summary, I expected you to hit the space bar two more times than you did. :-)

Mistress: The more I think about this hypothetical celebrity deathmatch, the more I want to see it. I wish that I had MTV2 because I wouldn't be surprised if an episode of "Celebrity Deathmatch" pitted claymation versions of Aretha and Tina against each other. To make it interesting, they could have Aretha take on not only Tina, but Beyonce' as well.

mister anchovy said...

Tina is a tough fighter, I'd say...she sure put Ike in his place...but I wouldn't mess with Aretha. No way. Aretha by TKO in the 4th round. She's been training on southern BBQ for years, getting ready for this fight.

Malcolm said...

Mister Anchovy: As long as Aretha makes sure that she washes the BBQ sauce off her hands before the match, she should be OK. Otherwise, Tina might slip through her fingers. On the other hand, the sauce could be sticky and Tina won't be able to escape Lady Soul's grasp.

 
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