Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Thursday Thirteen # 48: Quotes From the TV Series Get Smart

Thirteen Quotes From the TV Series Get Smart

Since the big-screen adaptation of Get Smart hits theaters on Friday, I decided to devote this week's T13 to the original series (which ran from 1965-1970). Ever since I was introduced to the spy spoof in reruns as a pre-teen, I have been a huge fan of the misadventures of bumbling CONTROL agent Maxwell Smart as he fights on behalf of the forces of goodness and niceness.

Although I enjoyed the supporting cast (which included Barbara Feldon as the stylish and resourceful Agent 99, Edward Platt as harried The Chief, and Bernie Kopell as KAOS Vice President Siegfried), the main attraction of Get Smart was the hilarious work of the late Don Adams. His portrayal of Maxwell Smart (which earned him 3 consecutive Emmy Awards from 1967-1969), still stands as one of TV's most memorable. Steve Carell has some big shoes (one equipped with a phone) to fill. In addition to the three that Adams won, Get Smart was also awarded Emmys for writing (1967), directing (1968) and Outstanding Comedy Series (1968 and 1969).

Below are 13 of my favorite quotes from Get Smart. I could have done a list consisting solely of the numerous catchphrases from the show, but decided to go the quote route instead. Although it was hard to narrow down the list, I really enjoyed putting it together. For one thing, it gave me an excuse to pull out the episodes I recorded on VHS back in the early 90s.

1. Mary "Jack" Armstrong (a female KAOS spy with superhuman strength): Now Mr. Smart, you will telephone your Chief and you will give him some information as to where you are. Information that of course will be totally false.
Maxwell Smart: And what if I refuse?
Mary "Jack": Then I shall make you do it.
Maxwell Smart: You and who else?

Mary "Jack" proceeds to karate chop a table to pieces

Maxwell Smart: Got an answer for everything haven't you?

2. KAOS Agent: Look, I'm a sportsman. I'll let you pick the way you want to die.
Maxwell Smart: Oh, OK. Uh, how about old age?

3. Maxwell Smart: I'm getting complaints from the landlord about the gun battles in the hall, and the bombs in the lobby, and the knife fights in the elevator.
Chief: Well, when you rent an apartment to a secret agent, you've got to expect those things.
Maxwell Smart: But he doesn't know I'm a secret agent.
Chief: Well, how do you explain people attacking you and shooting at you?
Maxwell Smart: Well, I told him I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue.

4. Agent 99: Oh, Max, how terrible.
Maxwell Smart: He desereved it, 99. He was a KAOS killer.
Agent 99: Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max.
Maxwell Smart: What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world.

5. After Hymie the Robot almost kills the Chief
Agent 99: Well what are we gonna do?
Chief: We'll have to destroy him
Maxwell Smart
: Destroy him?! You can't destroy Hymie. Hymie's my friend.
Chief: Max, this friend just broke through my office door, smashed my desk to pieces, and almost strangled me with his bare hands. How do you explain that?!
Maxwell Smart: I said he was my friend, not yours.

6. Chief: How can we believe a man who would sell out his friends?
Siegfried: Dumkopf! Who else are you supposed to sell out? You can't betray enemies!

7. KAOS Agent: Tell you what, we'll finish the game. If you win, I'll release you.
Maxwell Smart: Well that sounds fair enough.
KAOS Agent: If you lose, I kill you.
Maxwell Smart: And just to make it interesting, how about five dollars on the side?

8. Maxwell Smart: All right Hondo. I'm used to dealing with big ugly apes like you.

Max proceeds to hit Hondo with a series of punches and karate chops, none of which faze Hondo.

Maxwell Smart: Uh, listen Hondo. I hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about the ape.

9. Agent 99: What about me Hunter?
Hunter: I have other plans for you my dear. I hope that you will stay on here as my permanent... guest.
Agent 99: I'd rather take my chances in the jungle with Max.
Hunter: Very loyal my dear and very stupid!
Maxwell Smart: We're CONTROL agents Hunter. We're trained to be very loyal and very stupid.

10. Maxwell Smart: Tisha, there's an organization of shrewd determined men who've been trying to get control of this country for a number of years. Perhaps you've heard of them.
Tisha: Oh, you mean the Republicans.

11. Naomi Farkas (holding a gun on Agent 99): Keep your voice down honey and don't yell for your husband. You might as well know, we're KAOS.
Emil Farkas: You're holding a gun on her and I'm taking pictures of secret documents. Who else would she think we were, Sonny and Cher?!

Note: Naomi and Emil Farkas were played by Alice Ghostley and Tom Bosley

12. Siegfried holds Max and 99 at gunpoint and takes their guns for the second time.
Siegfried: All is not lost for KAOS. Guns please! Come on 99, your gun... quickly!
Maxwell Smart (hands a card to Siegfried): Here
Siegfried: What is this?
Maxwell Smart: My permit, you might as well take it. You use my guns more than I do.

13. Maxwell Smart: You're very clever my charming little friend, but not clever enough. You see the moment I suspected there was something wrong with this old scow, I immediately telephoned headquarters. And I happen to know that at this very minute, seven Coast Guard cutters are converging on this boat. Would you believe it, seven?
Mr. Big: I find that pretty hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe six?
Mr. Big: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: How about two cops and a rowboat?

Below is a clip from the 1967 episode One of Our Olives Is Missing, with special guest star Carol Burnett

Leave your link in comments so that others can visit you

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Holly Smith said...

7 and 10 were my favorites. I wish I could say otherwise, but I've never seen one episode in its entirety. I'm sure I would like it!

pussreboots said...

My very first cat was named Maxwell Smart. Happy TT.

Chelle Y. said...

I have never see the T.V. series, but I am looking forward to the movie, only because I am a Steve Carrol fan (I totally spelled him name incorrectly).

SJ Reidhead said...

Sorry about that, Chief!

There were some great one-liners in that show. I never missed it! I still think a shoe phone isn't all that bad an idea!

The Pink Flamingo

Michelle said...

Great TT. I use to love this show. Can't wait to see the movie. Happy TT!

The Gal Herself said...

Oh, thanks for #5. When I was a little girl, I loved Hymie! (And thanks for visiting my TT, you speed demon.)

Nicholas said...

I remember seeing this many years ago. Reading the quotes you have selected for us, I think that in many ways it was a far cleverer show than one would at first suppose.

Robin said...

I LOVED Get Smart. I'm still holding out for a shoe phone of my own, but sadly I don't even get reruns here, let alone props... At least the movie is likely to make it to Israel.

Jenny McB said...

I loved this show when I was a kid. Where did you find the quotes?

Open Grove Claudia said...

I think " Oh Max that's awful" is similar to Scully saying to Mulder "What do you think Mulder?"

I did love that show. Thanks for sharing!

Courtney said...

It was a great show. Can't wait to see the movie.

SandyCarlson said...

No. 4 is appropriate for this day and age, too.

Carol said...

How fun was that! Cool T-13!

X. Dell said...

Before Laugh-In, this was my favorite show. I've forgotten how funny it was. For a long time, I really missed that much.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the childhood memories... thanks!~
Thirteen reasons I wish I was going to Origins

marcia said...

I used to love that show;

Lori said...

I take it you're going to see the movie then?;) Happy TT.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I liked four.

I don't do T-13 but if anyone sees this comment here, I would love some input on my latest post.

Journeywoman said...

One of my favorites was a sight gag. He, by accident, shot off the pistol that he had holstered in his pants.

"Missed it by that much!"

Meju said...

I loved them all, but #2 was great. They brough back good memories of childhood!

Maisie said...

I'm glad that you included the video clip. My sister and I used to love watching this show when we were little. You brought back some memories for me.

Rims said...

LOL!! I never have watched the series but I enjoyed the liners.

Happy TT!

Winter said...

OMG. I loved that show. It was sooooo funny. Happy TT!

The Mistress of the Dark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Mistress of the Dark said...

Ever have two browsers open at a comment page on blogger? Ever leave a comment on the wrong one? Yup that's what I did. I meant to ask...How do you know all these quotes? I can't remember half of anything without the aid of wiki on some of my favorite shows.

Hootin' Anni said...

I think that they picked a great guy to play Max on the big screen!!!

My 13 is posted, come join me?
Happy Thursday.

Ornery's Wife said...

I watched it before it was reruns. ahem. Guess that makes me older than dirt, huh? Anyway, it was a favorite show, although since I was VERY young then, I don't remember much about it except the theme song and the opening scene during the credits. He was pretty silly. Of the same or a little earlier era was F Troop, which I enjoyed then and have since seen as an adult. Not sure why I was so crazy about those shows back then...Happy TT!

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT! I used to watch this show on TV all the time as a kid. Great list! You're always so creative :)

Lori said...

For some reason I didn't realize I had watched this show in re-runs. I was born in 1970 though, so it must have been reruns! I just remember that I LOVED this show when I was a kid. I don't have high hopes for the movie being as well done, but I hope I am proven wrong. :-)

And these quotes cracked me up, especially #3.

Malcolm said...

Holly: If Chris has any eps on tape/DVD, you should check them out. I consider Get Smart a pre-cursor to the Airplane/Naked Gun movies and others of that ilk.

Pussreboots: That's a cool name for a cat, thanks for visiting.

Chelle Y.: From what I hear, the movie will deviate from the series; which I think is a mistake.

SJ: I might do another GS quote T13 at some point in the future; there is definitely enough quality material from which to choose.

I wanted a shoe phone when I was a kid. I'll bet a lot of us did.

Michelle: As long as you go into the movie not expecting it to stick to the series, you might not be disappointed.

The Gal Herself: I had a childhood friend who was a big Hymie fan too. When I saw that your T13 was posted, I knew I had to hurry up and get on over there.

Nicholas: I think that alot of people not familiar with the show unfairly dismiss it. They might think, "It's about some guy who talks into his shoe. How stupid is that?"

Robin: That sucks that Israel doesn't carry it in reruns. I did find that it at least airs in some Spanish speaking countries because there are clips of it posted on You Tube.

Jenny McB: I got three of the quotes from and the rest I found from watching episodes that I have on tape.

Open Grove Claudia: I haven't seen too many X-Files eps. I wish it came on at a decent time so I could see it.

Courtney: Even though the last season bordered on awful, I still think Get Smart was one of the best sitcoms ever.

Sandy: When I watched eps. as an adult, I noticed that not only did some of the humor go over my head as a kid, the punchlines for the most part are timeless.

X. Dell: Nice job of working in one of Maxwell Smart's catchphrases.

Lori: I'm debating on whether I go see the movie. I know that I won't be seeing it opening weekend. However, I am curious to see how it differs from the series.

Barbara: Does that mean you liked four of the quotes or quote #4?

Journeyman: The sight gag you mentioned is one of my favorites too. Another one is when he is going down the street at high speed while strapped to a gurney. He ends up going down a manhole. He climbs out of the manhole with the gurney still strapped on his back. He proceeds to walk down the street as if everything is normal. Classic stuff!

Meju: Another quote from the show similar to #2 goes something like this:

KAOS agent (pointing a gun at Max): You are about to become an ex-CONTROL agent

Max: Couldn't I just resign?

Maisie: It was harder to find a suitable clip on You Tube than I thought it would be. Most of the clips were either too long or the sound/audio quality wasn't that great.

Rims: If it ever airs in your area, you should give it a shot.

Mistress of the D: I think I have left a comment on the wrong blog/post. As for how I know all these quotes, was useful. I also have nearly all of the episodes on tape. Since I pretty much knew which eps had which quotes, I watched them this past weekend to make sure I had them accurate.

As an FYI, my long term memory is out of this world. However, my short-term memory is shit.

Hootin' Anni: When I found out that Steve Carell had been cast as Maxwell Smart, I thought he was the perfect choice.

Ornery's Wife: I put Get Smart in the category of shows like The Monkees and Green Acres (series that can be appreciated on two levels). When I watched GS as a kid, I liked the physical comedy, sight gags, and most of the one-liners. When I watched it as an adult, I picked up on a lot of the sly/political humor that they put in the scripts.

Random Person: Thanks for the kind words regarding my T13s. I try to make them as entertaining as I can. It's nice to know that the effort I put into them hasn't gone unnoticed.

Lori: I am in agreement with you about the possibility that the movie won't live up to the series. My only fear is that someone not familiar with the series watches the movie and is disappointed by it and as a result, never bothers to give the show a chance.

Anonymous said...

Great quotes I loved that show and am excited to see the movie. #10 is my absolute favorite of course. :) Happy TT

Anonymous said...

Great list, mine is up at Top 13 Boys Names for 2007

Denise Patrick said...

I loved Get Smart as a kid. I just may have to break down and go see the movie to see if it lives up to all the hype. Then, maybe not. Maybe I'll wait until it comes out on DVD.

Thanks for a great trip down memory lane. Happy TT!

Cindy Swanson said...

I read that the movie diminishes a lot of the TV show's wry humor in favor of more action. Too bad...I liked the show just as it was! I do think Steve Carell was a great choice to play Smart.

You might like my TT this week,'s favorite movie quotes.

Patrick Roberts said...

Get Smart looks okay over all... but Steve Carell seems to be veering more and more toward not so funny slapstick humor

Remarketing tags may not be associated with personally identifiable information or placed on pages related to sensitive categories. See more information and instructions on how to setup the tag on: --------------------------------------------------->