Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #21: "Dallas" Quotes


Thirteen Quotes From the TV Series "Dallas"

One of my all-time favorites shows is the long-running prime time soap "Dallas" (1978-91). During most of the 1980s, me and millions of others tuned to CBS on Friday nights at 9 to check out the saga of the Ewing family. Below are 13 of my favorite quotes. Without a doubt, my favorite character on the show was the man that Time magazine referred to as "that human oil slick"... J.R. Ewing. Although I wouldn't want to spend a minute with someone like J.R. in real life, he was fun to watch from the safe distance of my living room couch.

After his younger brother Bobby has brought his bride (Pam) to Southfork for the first time
1. J.R.: [referring to Pam] I asked her how much she'd take.
Jock: You did what?
J.R.: I tried to pay her off.
Jock: You jackass.

2. Lucy waits in J.R.'s office so that she can ask for his help in getting Jock (her granddaddy and J.R.'s daddy) to support her interest in a singing career. While waiting for J.R., Lucy discovers a record contract on his desk for country singer Garnet McGee (who's engaged to foreman Ray Krebs, but also sleeping with J.R.). Lucy implies that she might show Jock, Sue Ellen, and Ray the contract.
J.R.: Why Lucy Ewing... are you trying to blackmail old J.R.?
Lucy: No, I just want your help
J.R.: Alright honey go on you take these. Take 'em home show 'em to anybody you like.
J.R. tosses the contract towards Lucy
What's it gonna prove? Ewing Oil is branching out into the entertainment business... lot of money in that. Well what it will prove is that you are your mother's daughter... a scheming, blackmailing little tramp.

3. J.R. (referring to their brother Gary): Let's face it... he's weak, he's just weak
Bobby: You'd label any man weak who wouldn't stab another man in the back to make an extra buck

4. After finding out from Jock and Miss Ellie that Bobby, tired of all the wheeling & dealing and backstabbing by J.R., has left Southfork
Sue Ellen: You drove Gary away and now Bobby. You tried to bribe Valene. You cheated your friends. You've done everything in your power to get what you wanted... well you did it. Congratulations J.R., you are now the Ewing's only son.
J.R.: Mama... I don't want Bobby to leave... you know that.
Miss Ellie: All I know is J.R.... he's gone.

Miss Ellie and Jock leave the dining room

J.R.: You've had your last say in this house Sue Ellen. You think you can get away talking about me in front of my mama and daddy like that? You've caused me enough humiliation. You're a drunk, an unfit mother and I honestly think you've lost your reason. I'm gonna call Dr. Rogers. The sooner we have you put away in that sanitarium, the better off you're gonna be.

5. Gary and Bobby paying a visit to J.R., who is in the hospital after being shot
J.R. (weakly): Hi Gary
Gary: J.R... I was just telling Bobby I hope you'd wake up soon.
J.R.: Don't tell me you're gonna fly off to California already.
Gary: I gotta get back to my job.
J.R.: Yeah, I guess I'd rush home too if I was living next door to a pretty little bundle like Karen Fairgate.
Bobby (laughs): You're beginning to sound like the J.R. I used to know
J.R.: Well when they take out these tubes I just might take you two boys on in a little touch football, what do you say?

The three of them laugh

Gary: Yeah, we did have some great games
J.R.: Yeah, old Bobby was the powerhouse. If he couldn't outrun you, he'd try to bite you on the knee.
Bobby: Well, you had the best hidden ball trick in Dallas.

6. J.R. (to Lucy): Lost another one, did you, sugar? Hell, I got to hand it to you, you sure can pick them. A pansy, a crook, and an up-and-coming pauper. You are a veritable magnet for losers and failures.
Lucy: I can't do much worse than Sue Ellen can I?

7. After learning that J.R. (with their daddy Jock's approval) closed down oil wells in which family nemesis Cliff Barnes had a share, Bobby leaves J.R. and Jock and enters his bedroom (where his wife Pam awaits)
Bobby (to Pam, who is also Cliff's sister): Five minutes in the same room with J.R. I feel like I've been in a pig sty.

8. J.R. (referring to Cliff): Well, last night we went to the Oil Baron's and we ran into that termite brother of yours!
Pam: Are you talking to me?
J.R.: Anyone else in here gotta termite for a brother?

9. Banker Vaughn Leland enters J.R.'s office on the weekend. Due to his ulcers, he declines J.R.'s offer of a slice of pizza.
Vaughn: Don't you ever have trouble with your stomach J.R.?
J.R. (looks down at his stomach and laughs): Only when there's too much of it. I once did business with a man who said, "J.R. Ewing doesn't get ulcers... he gives 'em." (J.R. laughs)

10. Bobby confronts Jock at the Cattlemen's Club after learning that Jock withdrew 10 million dollars from the Ewing Oil account without consulting him first.
Jock: Obliged?! Are you telling me that I'm obliged to ask you how to spend my own money any damn way I see fit!
Bobby: That's right. You gave me the power to run that company and damnit I intend to run it!
Jock: So I gave you power huh? Well let me tell you something boy if I did give you power you got nothing! Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you take!

Miss Ellie, warning J.R. not to persecute Sue Ellen during their divorce proceedings
11. Miss Ellie: I just want you to remember J.R. you're only President of Ewing Oil by my graces. One step out of line, such as dragging Sue Ellen through the dirt and I'll change my vote so fast it'll make your head spin.

Bobby is at his ex-wife Pam's house to pick up their son. Pam's brother Cliff and his girlfriend Mandy are also there
12. Cliff (introducing his ex-brother-in-law Bobby to Mandy): Mandy Winger
Mandy (to Bobby): It's really nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you.
Cliff: None of it good though (Cliff laughs). No I'm just kidding really... I mean for a Ewing he's not really a bad guy
Bobby: Cliff, I'd hate for my boy to see me unscrew your head so why don't you just be quiet
Cliff: Bobby, come on lighten up, I'm joking

13. Sue Ellen: Tell me J.R., which slut are you gonna stay with tonight?
J.R.: What difference does it make? Whoever it is has got to be more interesting than the slut I'm looking at right now.

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59 comments:

Holly said...

Great idea for this week. I loved Dallas as a kid. I remember that we'd always go to the grocery store on Friday evenings with my mom. Then we'd eat something fun for dinner, that usually included frozen tator tots, before watching Dallas. Every time I think of Dallas I get hungry for tator tots. I know, I'm weird.

Bloggers said...

Great 13! When I lived in Dallas we had to watch this show. I loved going to southfork.

My 13

The Gal Herself said...

You saved the best for last! #13 is the first one that popped into my head. I like #9, too. Vaughn Leland! Great list! I completely loved that show.

Chelle Y. said...

Cool List!

I was never allowed to watch Dallas when it was popular, but I loved the theme song!

Nap Warden said...

Would you believe, I grew up in the 80's, and never saw this show? I know, I'm an alien;) Happy TT!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I never watched this show, but heard is was a smash. Have a great TT. :)

Tink said...

I followed dallas right from the beginning until the end! Great TT!
My TT lists 13 facts about the black panther.

Yuriko said...

I could never get into Dallas.... are you looking forward to the movie? :)

Janet said...

lol compared to Nip/Tuck, Dallas is tv lite. I think I liked the old days better :-)

Candy Minx said...

Wow, I'm pretty impressed. I am sorry I fail, my pop knowledge card will have to be handed back in...I didn't watch Dallas. But I have a good excuse...I was kidnapped by a cult and initiated into service and didn't have time to watch tv until I got deprogrammed!

Did you know the actor Larry Hagman doesn't speak for a whole day once a week on Mondays?

Candy Minx said...

Um, I also have to second a thought of Janets...I'd thought I'd seen everything that could happen on the show Nip/Tuck...but even they out shocked me last night...I wonder if you follow Nip/Tuck Malcolm?

Nicholas said...

Ah, happy times! I used to love that show till Bobby came back in the shower and I felt my intelligence had been insulted too much to go on watching.

My favourite quote would have been, if it had been said in real life and not on TV

Afton: Nicholas, take me away from all this!


http://agentlemansdomain.typepad.com

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Don't laugh, Malcolm. I know you're going to. But... you see... my mom wouldn't let me or my sisters watch Dallas, among other shows.

I'm culturally deprived; no wonder I'm a metalhead!!!

Happy TT, darling! And yes, I voted for my favorite theme song.

Sandy Carlson said...

Brings back memories of my TV-watching days! Thanks for this TT.

X. Dell said...

I only watched one episode of this series, and that one dealt with who shot JR.

I'm kinda surprise you know that much about it, since I wasn't aware of it on cable, and it's heyday was a little before your time.

Suppose you can buy the DVDs, though.

WorksForMom said...

Malcom, this was an AWESOME idea for a list. OH HOW I LOVED Dallas when I was a kid! The Evil JR Ewing! ARGGGH!

Malcolm: said...

Holly: Come to think of it, we used to go to the grocery store a lot on Friday evenings as well. Friday dinner was either hot dogs/hamburgers/fish and french fries... umm umm!

Bloggers: If I ever get down to TX, I'll have to take a tour of Southfork.

The Gal Herself: Thanks for noticing the placement of #13. Vaughn Leland was such a snake... but then, he wasn't alone in that regard in Dallas.

Chelle Y: If you weren't allowed to watch "Dallas" when you were a kid, what did you do to get your weekly TV dose of lying, cheating, and backstabbing?

Nap Warden: Your comment about not watching "Dallas" reminds me of something that David Brinkley said at the start of his newsmagazine show (that aired opposite "Dallas" during the 1980-81 season): "This is a new television program for those of us who don't give a damn who shot J.R."

Sandee: So you are also one of the 25 people who never watched this show, lol.

Tink: I watched "Dallas" religiously from 1979-85 and also caught the series finale when it first aired. When TNN started showing reruns, I was able to catch the early ones and later episodes that I had missed.

Yuriko: I am reluctantly looking forward to the movie version of "Dallas". Because of the stories I have heard about recasts, rewrites, etc., I have my doubts. Who knows, maybe these changes are a good sign.

Janet: I have only seen bits and pieces of "Nip and Tuck". I heard that Larry Hagman appeared in several episodes, I wish I had seen those.

Candy Minx: Your excuse for not watching "Dallas" is the best that I have heard. Your pop knowledge card will be returned to you ASAP. Yes, I did hear about Hagman's "day of silence" every week. Another thing that Hagman does (which I think is cool) is that he requires autograph seekers to sing a song for him or tell him a joke before giving his autograph. He says that he does it so he gets something back from his fans.

I have only caught bits and pieces of "Nip and Tuck". I should make an effort to watch it because I liked what I saw.

Nicholas: I loved your Afton "quote". How Cliff Barnes ever landed her I'll never know.

Susan: I didn't laugh... honestly. There were a couple of shows that I wasn't allowed to watch until I got older as well. Also, thanks for voting in this week's poll.

Sandy: You're welcome. When did you give up TV?

X. Dell: The "Who Shot J.R." episode was the one to watch... even for non-viewers.

"Dallas" currently airs weekdays from 11 am to 1pm on SoapNet. If I am off work, I occas. catch an episode. I believe I might be older than you think I am, because I started watching "Dallas" back in 1979.

Lori said...

Hmm . . . another one of those shows I never watched. Did I really miss anything?

Lori said...

You know I never got into that show until someone shot JR...lol. Happy TT, great list.

No Nonsense Girl said...

Good god, I remember re-runs of dallas as a child. :)

Have a great Thursday!!! :)

Head Gaggler said...

Those are cool. I never did watch that show.

SJ Reidhead said...

I love it! This reminds me just how much fun that show was. I did have a problem dealing with Tony Nelson morphing into JR, but I dealt with it.

SJR
The Pink Flamingo
http://thepinkflamingo.blogharbor.com/blog

Wakela Runen said...

Interesting TT! I never watched the show though.

Rose DesRochers said...

You're showing your age. lol I remember watching Dallas with my mom.

Rose
http://rosedesrochers.todays-woman.net

Crazy Working Mom said...

What a great classic show! I miss it. Thanks for the trip down memory lane! :)

Have a great week.

Serina Hope said...

My Mom was a huge Dallas fan. This was memory Lane. happy TT!
Mine is up at http://serinahope.blogspot.com

Malcolm: said...

Works For Mom: Thanks! Like they used to say about J.R.: the man you love to hate.

Lori (the Old School Mix): I would say you missed something. However, if you didn't like the quotes, you may not care for the show.

Lori: If you are talking about Kristin shooting J.R., that was pretty early on. Did you keep watching after the shooter was revealed?

S.J.: I wonder if a lot of people now watch "I Dream of Jeannie" and find it hard to believe that "J.R." is being a nice guy.

Rose: If you remember watching the show with your mom, you're showing your age too. lol

Raggedy said...

Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
My TT is posted.
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy

Zenmomma said...

I didn't watch Dallas, but I sure remember the hype over "Who shot JR?"

Xakara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Xakara said...

I'm too young to remember Dallas in any detail. But I remember having a crush on Bobby Ewing because Patrick Duffy played Mark in The Man From Atlantis.

I can't tell you the flashback this gave me of just the sense of drama that surrounded every episode. :)

Happy TT

~X <----Please use this link

Cindy Swanson said...

Malcolm! Congrats on being one of the featured blogs on TT today!

I used to be a big Dallas fan, too! Once again you've brought back some good memories.

Mishelle said...

I think it would be fun to watch Dallas, now that I'm an adult. I sure didn't understand it back in the day, when my mom was obsessed with it!

DrillerAA said...

I preferred Dallas over the evening soaps of the day. Now we have Cane. It is only a matter of time before Cane goes to two or three nights per week ocasionally.
I do admire your list.

Happy TT

pjazzypar said...

All of these quotes were great. Got to love J.R. and his propensity to create chaos and confusion. I especially enjoyed the quotes where he and Sue Ellen go at it. classic stuff. When you make it down this way (you noticed I said when, not if) I will take you out to Southfork for the grand tour. Here is a link that might interest you: www.southforkranch.com

Happy TT

Holly said...

Thanks for posting this. I only remember this show vaguely - though of course I did see the "who shot JR" part.

Smiles,
Holly
http://theabundanceplace.com

Sassy Lucy said...

Great T13, and congrats on being featured this week!
I was not lucky enough to watch Dallas as a teen, my dad hated the show, and he controlled the TV then....hey sounds like my hubby now....but Iam more stubborn.

MamaLee said...

Oh WOW. I used to watch this with my parents, moons ago.

Happy TT!

Ann Aguirre said...

My mom loved this show. Neat TT!

the teach said...

Gee, Malcolm I thought I dropped by your post before but I guess I didn't comment...
Thanks for dropping by my post for TT!:)

jayedee said...

i was a total dallas addict! great idea!

happy tt!

Samantha_K said...

I loved watching Dallas and Dynasty with the grandparents. It probably wasn't age appropriate, but who the heck cares!
Great list as always!

Country Dawn said...

OMG I haven't thought about Dallas in years!! :)

Mine's 13 'Kings' (since I did 'Queens' last week!)

Rhonda said...

Oh my. Those were funny! *sratching my head* wondering where ya picked all those up...thx for the visit. Happy TT!

busy91 said...

Never watched it, it came on to late for me. LOL!

katherine. said...

I haven't thought about Dallas in years...but watched it every week! Thanks for the memories.

Patrick Duffy's son went to school with my oldest...in real life they were a very nice family.

Nancy J. Bond said...

I loved Dallas! Who shot J.R. will be one of my all time favorite TV "mysteries". :) Great idea for a TT list...and congrats on being a featured blog!

Mo said...

Great list!
Gotta love old JR.
Makes me want to go home and pop Knots Landing in the DVD player.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Dallas?? Oh dear.... You really bring back some memories. I think that's one of the last times I watched TV regularly. Sigh.

Patti said...

Great list. I like the last one the best! :)

Malcolm: said...

Xakara: I used to watch "Man From Atlantis" when it was orig. on NBC. When I first saw Patrick Duffy on "Dallas" I said, "that's Mark Harris... the Man From Atlantis".

Cindy: Thanks for letting me know that I was one of the featured blogs. I'm glad that I could once again bring back some memories for you.

Mishelle: "Dallas" still holds up well in reruns. If you have SoapNet, you can catch it Monday-Friday from 11am to 1 pm.

Drilleraa: I read that the ratings for "Cane" aren't that great. Since it may not make it past this season, I doubt if CBS expands it to multiple nights.

Pjazzy: When I was watching tapes of "Dallas" looking for quotes to use, I would sometimes shake my head in amazement over the things that J.R. would say and do. I am thinking about doing a TT on "Dallas" quotes feat. J.R. and Sue Ellen... maybe during the week of Valentine's Day.

I look forward to taking the tour of Southfork... hopefully next year. :-)

Sassy Lucy: Thanks... I am honored to be featured this week. It used to suck when I was younger and we only had one TV and sometimes missing programs that I wanted to see.

Samantha K: I got into "Dallas" through my mother. She let me watch that, but not the daytime soaps... go figure.

Rhonda: Scratch no longer. I have some best of tapes that I compiled when TNN aired reruns of "Dallas" in the 90s. I used them to get most of the quotes. I got a couple from imdb.com... and the one where J.R. called Gary weak I pulled from memory.

Katherine: How interesting about your oldest and Patrick Duffy's son. What you said about their family doesn't surprise me.

Nancy: When the "Who Shot J.R." mystery was going on, I thought that Sue Ellen's psychiatrist (Dr. Elby) was the one who pulled the trigger. I wasn't even close, lol.

Mo: Although I didn't watch "Knots Landing" much when it was orig. on, I was into it for a bit when SoapNet was rerunning it. I did like how both Gary and Val evolved and eventually found their way back to each other.

Open Grove Claudia: You haven't watched TV regularly since "Dallas"?! You've got some catching up to do, lol.

Patti: Not to go all Vanessa Williams on you, but that was the exact reason I placed the J.R./Sue Ellen quote at #13.

impworks said...

Great quotes :-)

geek-betty said...

I never got into the show...but good quotes!

geek-betty
http://bettythegeek.wordpress.com/

Greatfullivin said...

Nice list..although I never watched the show I think poor Sue Ellen. Lol. Thanks for stopping by my TT. 60' folk singers Joan Baez, Dylan (who I just saw in concert last July) Guthrie was still around and Harry Chapin was just starting out. A few favorites. Have a great day!

julia said...

'Nobody gives you power. Real power is something you take!'
Chilling but true. And the last quote to Sue Ellen is killer.

Dane Bramage said...

I think I watched the entire first season of Dallas and then gave up on most network television

amanda rae said...

nice list! happy late tt!!

The Rock Chick said...

would you believe I have never seen this show? I must be the only one :)

Malcolm: said...

Greatfullivin: The way J.R. would do Sue Ellen was shameful. He was damned fool for not realizing what a good thing he had with Sue Ellen (attractive, loving, devoted, supportive, etc.). Also, thanks for answering my question about your favorite folk singers of the 60s.

Julia: I remember the first time I heard the Jock quote, I was like, "Damn!" The last quote gets played a lot. When they aired it during a recent CBS retrospective, the audience gasped.

Dane: Since you gave up on most network TV so long ago, I hope you didn't deprive yourself of such gems as "Full House", "Models Inc.", and "Tyler Perry's House of Payne".

Jessica: That does surprise me. Were you more of a "Dynasty" fan back in the day?