Thursday, April 3, 2008

Thursday Thirteen # 39: Celebrities Who Wear or Are Suspected of Wearing Toupees

Thirteen Celebrities Who Wear or Are Suspected of Wearing Toupees

When a man's hairline starts to do a B line to his behind, he sometimes resorts to drastic measures to cover up his chrome dome. One of these methods is the dreaded toupee. Below are 13 men who at the very least are expected of getting a little help in the hair department. Some have come clean; for others, only a select few may know for sure.

Since this list is nowhere near comprehensive, feel free to list in the comments section any other famous people who you suspect of going the throw rug route.

1. Sportscaster and back biter Marv Albert (if you are wondering about my description of Marv, click here).

2. Rock and roll pioneer Pat Boone (regarding my description of Pat Boone: my tongue is so firmly in my cheek that it's threatening to bust right through)

3. News reporter/anchor and "Spock" lookalike Sam Donaldson

4. Moses himself, actor Charlton Heston. What do you think is easier, parting the Red Sea or parting that rug on top of his head?

5. Actor Yaphet Kotto- on "Homicide: Life On the Street", his character was nicknamed "Gee". They say it stood for his last name (Giardello). I think it was actually short for "Gee whiz! Take that fuckin' rug off your head!"

6. Actor and all-around ass kicker Chuck Norris- Fact: there is no scalp underneath Chuck's "hair". There is only another fist waiting to beat you down.

7. "Entourage" actor Jeremy Piven- Let's rug it out bitch!

8. Burt Reynolds- former paramour of "Sock It To Me" girl Judy Carne (whom Burt allegedly did sock on more than one occasion), Dinah Shore, Sally Field, and Loni Anderson among others.

9. Rock and roll frontman and former radio show host David Lee Roth

10. Former Enterprise Captain and current certifiable lawyer William Shatner

11. Famed record producer and possible murderer Phil Spector. How this clown landed Ronnie Spector still boggles the mind.

12. Comic and confetti thrower Rip Taylor

13. John Travolta- Over the last few years, I've seen that hairline go up and down more than Horshack's hand on "Welcome Back Kotter".

Below is video evidence that at least two of the men above have hell toupee.

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pjazzypar said...

You know all those jokers are wearing rugs, even Travolta (LOL). As Bette Davis so eloquently put it "Old age ain't for sissies". It seems that with men the hair is the first to go. Off hand I know Yaphet Kotto wears a toupee and a very bad one I might add.

SandyCarlson said...

Travolta? Norris? Well, you're the man to know! Wow...

SJ Reidhead said...

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Pink Flamingo

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Really. Bald IS sexy.

Love your own commentary, Malcolm. I'm howling!!!

anthonynorth said...

It is a sad vanity that they think they can get away with it.

Nicholas said...

I expect you're right about most of those, if not all. I don't think bald is sexy,m bu I will probably change my mind if I love my hair.

The Gal Herself said...

I LOVED this! You crack me up! I love a nice head of hair. (Patrick Dempsey. Hugh Grant. Sigh.) But Bruce Willis has proven that a man who is comfortable in his own skin can be incredibly hot.

PS I beat you this week! Do I have a winning streak going here?

Holly said...

I was going to say Chuck Norris but you beat me to the punch. Glad you did cause I'd be afraid to say it.

Wish I could recall who I saw on TV the other day and found myself thinking, "that's GOTTA be a rug".



Open Grove Claudia said...

What a great post! I can't believe you outed these guys. Having grown up in gyms, I'm not sure why they don't get hair plugs - after all it's 10000 and a year of their life. I think that's what Brad Pitt and his hats were doing.

Happy TT, Malcolm - well done!

Lara Angelina said...

Cracked me up!! The only other two I know of are: Shatner and Burt Reynolds. I remember when Burt went bankrupt several years ago and owed $150,000 to his rug maker!! And I must comment on Phil Spector: the guy actually scared me to death when I saw him with that toupee!! Holy cow!!
Great TT!

Courtney said...

Hmmm... A lot of those are obvious, but I think some of the guys have hair plugs.

Lori said...

Rumor was before Steve Harvey shaved all of his off, he sported a piece too (smile). I had an uncle in his 80s who used to sport one more horrible-looking than Yaphett Kotto's. Sometimes, I would just stare at him and wonder why? I swear, that doggone thing looked like road kill (LOL).

Jay said...

Chuck Norris won't be happy that you exposed his secret! LOL ;-)

Malcolm said...

Pjazzy: Yaphet's rug is bad with a capital B-A-D. It looks like it's on backwards.

Sandy: When I read about Chuck Norris being a possible rug wearer, I was a little surprised because I never really paid attention. Now whenever I see him, I mainly focus on his hair.

SJ: Glad to hear it.

Susan: Although I hated him as a basketball player, I guess I have to credit Michael Jordan with making the bald look chic.

Anthony: You just want to shake some of these guys and say, "You're not fooling anyone, take that damn thing off!"

Nicholas: Did you mean to say "lost your hair"? Would this qualify as a Freudian Slip?

The Gal Herself: I hate to break it to you, but Patrick Dempsey's full head of hair isn't real...

just kidding!

Holly: I was a little concerned about putting ol' Chuck on the list out of fear that he might seek revenge "Walker, Texas Ranger" style.

Claudia: Wow, you think Brad Pitt's hair is a transplant? If that's true, it's got to be one of Hollywood's best kept secrets.

Lara: I remember that Burt story about him owing his rug maker $$. I think the term he used was something like "hair replacement units".

Courtney: Jeremy Piven might be a hair plug recipient. His does look fairly authentic.

Lori: Had Steve Harvey not shaved his head, he would have made my list. That hairline he had going straight across (not to mention the jet black color of his hair and the fact that it never changed shape) should have been a dead giveaway.

Jay: If Chuck asks me, I'm telling him I heard about his secret from you, lol.

SusieJ said...

I did not know this! changes my opinion entirely.

Lazy Daisy said...

Wow, I had no idea about some of these men. Some of these rugs are really bad though.

Lori said...

Really??? I was shocked by most of them. Poor David Lee...he is in big time denial. He had it once but he lost it. John Travolta?? Happy TT. Thats for the info:)

The Happy Housewife said...

I am very surprised. Especially Travolta...
go figure...

Linda said...

Spock look a like...priceless!

I was surprised by Travolta, but the others makes sense.

Journeywoman said...

I would possibly have put Kirk first.

GREAT list.

Natalie said...

This post made me! Thanks!

shaunesay said...

too funny!

Thanks for the welcome!

marcia said...

how fun --don't forget Ted Danson

Angie said...

I'm pretty clueless, so I didn't know most of these. Then again, I was just talking to my Mom about how I worked with someone for about a year and a half before someone clued me in that she wore the same two dresses all the time. I just don't notice things like that -- I don't know why.

what's a donzer said...

This was awesome, Malcolm. Can you get the scoop on Bret Michaels for me? I just really, really want to see what is under that cheesy bandana.

Starrlight said...

Well Burt flashed his on Carson I of those shows.

#6 Made me spit tea on my keyboard. Thanks a lot :P

Winter said...

You know it's pretty scary when William Shatner looks better than David Lee Roth. Great TT!

Robin said...

Wow, David Lee Roth looks awful. Please tell me the rest of us haven't gotten that old right along with him!

Alice Audrey said...

I don't know... some of those toupees don't look good enough to be anything but real

pussreboots said...

Tee hee. Funny list. Happy TT.

arlene said...

Travolta? I wouldn't have suspected! Nice TT - informative too!

Malcolm said...

Susie J: Although it shouldn't matter, it does make me look at some of these celebs differently too.

Lazy Daisy: Phil Spector gets my vote for the worst.

Lori: Rumor has it that David Lee Roth was balding back in his Van Halen days. I give him credit for his or his stylist's creativity because it was hard to tell back then.

Happy Housewife: Travolta was a revelation for me too when I found out.

Linda: Don't you expect Sam Donaldson to do the Vulcan salute and say "Live long and prosper"?

Journeyman: Thanks for stopping by. One of the reasons that Kirk wasn't #1 is because the list was alphabetized by last name.

Natalie and Shaunesay: Glad that I could bring a smile to both of your faces.

Marcia: Oh I remember good ol' Ted. In fact, he almost made my list. :-)

Angie: Your mom's co-worker wore the same two dresses for a year and a half?! I hope that she at least accessorized with sweaters, belts, etc. to try and make it look good.

What's A Donzer: I heard about Bret Michaels possibly being bald a couple of years ago. I tend to believe this because dude is always sporting that damned bandana! I wouldn't be surprised if the hair is attached to the bandana.

Starrlight: I would love to see if there is footage of Burt flashing his on Carson. That's surprising because he seems to be rather vain. I hope the tea didn't do any damage to your keyboard. When I picture a fist coming out from under Chuck's "hair", I can't help but laugh either.

Winter and Robin: You know that there were some scarier pics of David Lee from a few years ago when he was sporting a longer, bleached blonde 'do. I decided not to include one for fear that somebody might be eating while reading this post.

Alice: Jeremy Piven gets my vote for the best looking 'do. That's faint praise considering the list includes such horrors as Marv Albert, Phil Spector, and Rip Taylor.

Pussreboots: Thanks

Arlene: I'm glad you enjoyed this T13. Thanks for visiting.

Secret Agent Mama said...

#11 made me throw up my coffee. I'll probably be heaving all day upon thinking about him. Thanks Malcolm! ;)

Dane Bramage said...

Man some of those rugs are pretty bad. The video with Rip Taylor is a hoot! The thing about Kotto is he's played bald men in the past I think and doesn't look bad bald.

Thanks for visiting my 13 iPod song by the Mystery artist and getting her right.

Holly Smith said...

(I just left a comment with about 500 typos so I'm starting over)

I knew about Jeremy Piven b/c his hair seems to get thicker with each new role he takes.

I did not have a clue about Chuck Norris or John Travolta, but the others make sense.
Very funny list this week!!!

Lori said...

Now I have a million Chuck Norris jokes running through my head. Please, make them stop.

I remember my best friend in ninth grade had a huge crush on David Lee Roth. I mean sending him pictures of herself, huge. I always thought- Ew. Seems I was proved right.

And I agree with thegalherself, Bruce Willis proves you don't need hair to be sexy. ;-)

Karina said...

What a fun list! I'm assuming you left Trump off the list on purpose? ;-)

Cindy Swanson said...

As always, Malcolm, your TT is one of the most entertaining ever! This was great. I honestly didn't know about Jeremy Piven! As for the videos...too funny. At least those guys have a sense of humor about it!

Calliope said...

I know that Jeremy Piven is, as I remember when his hairline was showing...

I will include The Donald, Letterman?, and, when he was alive, Fred Astaire.


Chris said...

Funny post. These guys would look so much better without the crappy rugs. Happy TT!

Nap Warden said...

What do you mean suspected? I think Piven is hair plugs. Remember when he was bald guy? Great list!

Julie said...

I had a teacher in high school who had a brown toupee but couldn't be bothered to keep his gray hair cut short, so it stuck out around the edges. Men are strange creatures.

Malcolm said...

Secret Agent Mama: This list had one person spitting out tea in laughter (see Starrlight's comments 26 spots down from the top) and now you throwing up coffee in disgust, lol. If you thought that pic of Phil Spector was bad, there are some truly horrid ones that good taste prevented me from posting, lol.

Dane: Although I haven't seen Yaphet bald, I do remember when his hairline was receding. I don't know if he is still sporting that rug that he has on in the pic, but I hope he's come to his senses.

Holly Smith: Thanks for the kind words!

I only saw 499 typos in the email I received containing the first comments you submitted. :-)

You made a funny (but true) observation about Jeremy Piven. I remember that his hair was thinning when he appeared in "Say Anything" almost 20 years ago.

Lori: Have you ever been to the website below? It's got some pretty funny stuff!

Do you think your friend is worried that David Lee might still have photos of her?

Karina: The Donald was under consideration. I sorta believe that the reddish blond swoop on top of his head actually belongs to him. That's not to say that I believe it's growing out of the top of his head, if you know what I mean.

Cindy: Thank you! When I watch the Pat Boone clip, I feel a little sorry for him. If he was mortified, he did a good job of covering (no pun intended) and having fun with the toupee mishap.

Calliope: Jeremy definitely is naturally bald. As do you, I remember that he was balding when he played the cousin of Ellen Degeneres on her sitcom.

You mentioned some good ones. I think that Letterman's hair is real because it looks to be naturally thinning.

Chris: With the "bald" look being in, you would think that more of these guys would just shave their heads and be done with it.

Nap Warden: You may not realize it, but you answered your question when you asked "What do you mean suspected?" The reason I put the "suspected" in the title of this T13 is because the hair source of these celebs is up for debate. For example, there is no doubt that Jeremy Piven's hair isn't natural (I too remember his days of being follically challenged). What is up for debate is whether or not he's wearing a toupee or the recipient of hair plugs. Although I agree with you, I've heard people speculate that he's wearing a toupee. Thanks for stopping by. :-)

Julie: Your comments reminded me of a couple of teachers who didn't wear toupees... instead they took the dreaded combover route. When you part your hair from down by your ear, it's time to seriously consider visiting

To be fair, I've seen some women walking around sporting some strange looking hairdos that obviously isn't their own. :-)

Thanks for paying me a visit.

Stacey said...

Some of these men must not own mirrors or they think they look good and no one has the heart to tell them otherwise. Phil Spector looks ridiculous, I mean come on! Some of the others at least try to look normal.

Thanks for stopping by my T13 @ Sosuna-o-Lata

Vixen said...

Great TT. Your description of 6 killed me. And that video...the second one...I almost got in trouble for laughing too loud at work.

Happy Thursday.

Mine is up at

Michelle said...

Nice. #6 made me laugh!

Julia Smith said...

John Travolta's 'hair' was very odd at this past Oscars, certainly.

Bethany said...

LOL too funny--- I never would have thought about Piven!

Pop Art Diva! said...

OMG - I was afraid that was going to happen - lassoed off the "tupe"! Hahaahahah!

I think Donaldson's is a comb-over, though. Travolta, oh I'm so sad now. Shatner, a toupee AND a girdle in the old days!

All I have to say about the video is this "Episcopalian"!!!!

PopArtDiva aka The BRAT in the HAT

Mrs. Brownstone @ XBOX Wife said...

This was a very entertaining list! I only wish I hadn't viewed Rip Taylor right before bedtime! That photo is a bit scary!

Thembi said...

Steve Harvey and sometimes Bruce Willis.

Anonymous said...

Johnny Depp,Keanu,John Cusak,Al Pacino,Tom Cruise(since the 80's
I'd bet my own hair on it!!).All
of theese guys wear some form of toupee,others like George Clooney and Brad Pitt have hair transplants,I think a couple of theese stars are interested in hair cloning,but that's another story!!

Malcolm said...

Stacey: I think that Phil Spector is literally insane.

Vixen and Michelle: Ever since I created this T13, I picture a fist coming out of the top of Chuck's head.

Julia: I just found some pics of John at the 2008 Oscars. You are right, it was very odd.

Bethany: I remember that Jeremy's hair was thinning back in his 20s. Whatever he has now (toupee or transplant) does at least look natural.

Pop Art Diva: I kinda felt sorry for Pat Boone when the lasso knocked off his rug. He did a good job of playing it for laughs though.

Mrs. Brownstone: Regarding Rip Taylor, I should have included an alert not to view this list before bedtime. :-)

Thembi: Regarding Steve, I can't think of any man his age who has hair that is naturally jet black and a hairline with no signs of receding.

Anon: I hadn't heard about Johnny Depp, Keanu Reeves, John Cusack or Tom Cruise getting help in the follicle dept. I'll bet the stars of many stylists have signed gag orders to prevent them from revealing hair secrets.

X. Dell said...

I'm more curious about the female stars who might be covering up baldness. Not that there's anything wrong with being bald (depending on how you spell it).

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